Sometimes I Wish People Would Stop Talking!

I have to confess something. I am not proud of it: Sometimes I wish people would just stop talking already. 

One of my favorite things in life is a great conversation with someone, where we are on the same wavelength, feel mentally stimulated, and are excited about the learning and growing we are exchanging. The conversation is just flowing and we feel alive and tingly.

One of my least favorite things are conversations where that fails to happen.

I am not talking about those times when we are in crisis and need to vent. Talking is therapeutic, a release, a discharge, and helps us find clarity.

I definitely care about the people I talk with. They are lovely, possess outstanding character traits, and do their part to make the world a better place.

But still.

We are so media literate and know all about sound bites and fast-paced editing. The word 'montage' is in the common vernacular for decades now. 

Maybe the problem is all mine. I was an editor for many years, after all. 

Yet how many people consciously edit themselves? 

Sometimes I feel guilty because I feel impatient with the amount of excruciating and extraneous detail I am hearing. There are alot of weeds and not much attention paid to editing the content to get to the 'point'. I even wonder if my presence is necessary to the other person.

Sometimes I get frustrated when I bring something up to explore and before I know it, that topic has been 'hijacked', as my friend Ray calls it, and they are off on another self-referenced story about themselves.

Sometimes I wonder if people are invested in what they are saying or are they just on automatic pilot to 'respond'?

Of course, we relate each other's experiences to our own. That is natural. But are we obligated to report it? What if it is really not that relevant? What if it deflates the conversation? Can we acknowledge it to our own selves and sit on it for a moment? 

Sometimes I get the feeling that they have stopped listening and are waiting for me to take a breath so they can jump in? 

Here is an idea:

What about pausing? 

Seriously. 

What if we just wait a beat?

In that pause, in that space that was created by consciously waiting, perhaps we ask a question. Or maybe we entertain a new thought.

Truthfully, sometimes I am the one I wish would stop talking. Sometimes I am horribly guilty of circumlocution.

Here are the questions I try to remember to ask myself before I respond:

Is it important to me to share my experience?

Is my experience even remotely interesting to others?

How can I best respond to what I have heard to further the connection? 

This photo is a simple pneumonic that helps me.