My confession about wanting people to just stop talking continues!
I wrote a post two days ago, sheepishly expressing my sometimes-wish that people would stop talking. In other words, they would shut up.
And the very next day, it happened again.
I had tea with a friend. Every time I started to speak to comment on a topic, my friend cut me off to rush in with his own experience. I didn't get to finish my sentence or make my point. I really felt like he was like a kid in a 4th grade classroom, waving wildly at the teacher, squirming restlessly in his seat, "Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick me!"
Except he didn't wait to be called on.
After a while, I noticed I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. He is a nice guy who is working to increase his self awareness. He doesn't get defensive and cops to his faults. I respect that.
Still, I didn't love the feeling of being emotionally hijacked.
So I pulled up my big girl pants and asked him if we could take a pause. I told him I noticed he was interrupting me. "Was I boring you?", I asked.
"No", he replied. "I was excited to share how I related."
"Okay, great, but what would it be like to pause and let me finish my sentence?"
"Oh, no problem, I can do that. Its just that we are in agreement on so many things." After he interrupted me three more times, I decided to try again.
"Okay, but what would it be like to pause and just listen? Are you afraid you won't get a chance to share your experience if you wait a few seconds?"
"No, I just felt excited and I admit, kind of anxious. Let me try again."
"I would like to hear about the anxiety," I said.
"I feel anxious about listening. Its hard to do." he admitted.
"I love listening and suspending my own stories. What is hard about it? " I asked.
"Well, then I have to really be there for someone else. Its not about me. I might mess up."
"Oh. So you are afraid of not doing it right?"
"Yes, mostly. But you love to listen and that is why you are good at being a death doula," he opined.
Bless him!
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