Have you ever known a colleague in the workplace who died suddenly?
I remember when I first started a new job many years ago, a much-loved woman tragically died in childbirth. The whole organization was in shock.
People didn’t know what to say or how to cope. They sent cards and flowers to her husband, and shook their heads in disbelief.
You could sense the pallor of numbness that permeated the staff.
No one from HR or high ranking leaders in the company made a statement to the staff.
I remember the palpable discomfort people felt when at the end of a meeting, someone mentioned the tragedy. People did not know what to say or not say.
I wish it could have been different. I wish we could have been more able to talk about grief and death.
What if we could have shared our personal grief collectively?
What if we had had our own space to share memories of her?
What if we had grief counselors available?
What if we had a handout to offer people about what to say and not to say?
Here are a few suggestions about what to say, from the Amen Clinic. What else would you add to the list?
13 HELPFUL THINGS TO SAY TO (OR DO FOR) A GRIEVING PERSON
Based on what thousands of Amen Clinics patients have said, here are better ways to communicate and connect with someone who's in mourning.
"I'm so sorry for your loss."
"I wish I had the right words. Please know I care, and I'm here for you."
"You and your loved ones are in my prayers."
"I can't imagine how you feel." Then be quiet and let them tell you about their feelings.
"I can't imagine how you feel. When I lost my father I felt...." Then listen without judgment or criticism.
"I'm here for you." Better yet, if there is something specific they need, ask if you can do it for them. Ask if you can make phone calls or send emails on their behalf.
"Can I go to the funeral?" This is often an important sign of support.
"Want to talk about what happened?" Many people avoid this question, but it helps the griever to explain it, if they desire, and having a compassionate ear can help them process it more accurately.
Just be present.
Share a memory about the person who's gone.
Be empathetic. It's okay for you to show your feelings.
Continue connecting, even after a few months. Many people are inundated in the first few weeks, but they need support long after the funeral is over.
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